


The Walk

by Canadiantardis



Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Child Abandonment, Gen, Kid Deceit | Janus Sanders, Kid Fic, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26435776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canadiantardis/pseuds/Canadiantardis
Summary: Mama had been tense for weeks. Janus saw that, clear as rain. She smiled too fake, her lips too thin and she never gave her real smiles anymore, the ones where she showed her teeth to the world.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1920886
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40





	The Walk

**Author's Note:**

> Day 8: Abandoned  
> Writing this was entirely like watching a trainwreck in real time. You know what's gunna happen, but you can't look away. This made me almost cry.  
> Janus is roughly like, 6 or so.

Mama had been tense for weeks. Janus saw that, clear as rain. She smiled too fake, her lips too thin and she never gave her real smiles anymore, the ones where she showed her teeth to the world.

Janus wanted to help, really he did. He showed her his smiles, reminding her how to do it. He was quiet because Mama always held her head and sounded wounded when she moaned how loud everything was. He would whisper to her, telling her it would be okay, they would be okay. She would laugh at that, a stranger laugh that sounded… weird. Janus didn’t know the word. It wasn’t a happy sound.

“I love you, baby,” Mama whispered as she set Janus down to sleep one night, kissing his forehead.

“Love you, too, Mama,” he whispered back, moving up to return a kiss on her cheek before he settled back down, his eyelids heavy with sleep.

He dropped off to sleep just as he heard a choked sob by the door.

The next morning, when Mama woke him up for the day, Janus felt confused. His dreams had been weirder than normal, the sound of a sob making things sadder. A puppy had gotten hurt near their house, then his bestest friend in the entire world suddenly was moving away, then Mama was just… sobbing. Crying really hard and nothing Janus could do could make her happy again.

So, when he woke up, the first thing he did was burst into tears and hug Mama as tightly as his little body could.

“Oh, baby, did you have a bad dream?” She asked, picking him up and rocking him as he cried.

Janus sniffled and nodded. “I ha-had a bad d-dream,” he hiccuped thickly.

“Oh, my baby. It’s okay, everything’s okay. It was just a dream,” Mama reassured, but something was off about her tone. She sounded close to tears, but Janus couldn’t see too well with all the tears in his eyes, even as he tried to rub them away. By the time he managed to see her face clearly, nothing looked wrong.

It took a few minutes for Janus to calm down, even with Mama’s help, but finally he sniffled away the last of the tears and the memories of the weird dreams that made me sad. She carried him out of his room to the table and sat him down in his chair for breakfast. Janus rubbed the rest of the tears off his face, and looked around.

Breakfast went by as usual. Mama made him his favourite dino oatmeal - _the eggs!! They hatch!! Yummy dinos are hatched!!_ \- while she made herself some cereal. They ate in relative silence, or as silent as Janus could stand.

“Okay, baby, after breakfast we’re, we’re going for a walk, okay?” Mama said when she was almost finished with her breakfast. She ate really fast, Janus didn’t know how she did it, but it was her weird tone that caught his attention this time. She sounded… sad? Was she still upset about his bad dream?

“Where are we going?” He asked after swallowing a big mouthful of oatmeal. Mama always told him manners were important and to never talk with a full mouth. It was the rudest thing ever.

“It’s a surprise,” she said every word very slowly, elongating every one and it almost sounded like a question, but that was silly because she had all the answers! Or, at least, she knew more than Janus did, and knew how to find out the things they were both stumped on.

“Okay! Surprises are fun!” He missed the weird twist on Mama’s lips that looked like a frown but worse. It was gone when he looked at her with a bright smile.

After breakfast, Janus hurried to the bathroom while Mama grabbed his clothes for the day. He still needed help going potty, and using the shower, but he was proud he could have a shower now instead of a bath all the time. Mama said grown ups only have baths if they’re stressed, and Janus wanted to be a grown up just like her.

She returned with clothes and helped him use the potty, giving him a proud smile and a high-five when he didn’t make a mess, then helped him out of his pjs and into the bathtub. The two showered together, with Janus following how Mama scrubbed suds into her hair and let the water wash it all away.

Once they were clean, Mama carefully helped Janus out of the tub and let him dry himself off while she did the same, wrapping her towel around herself so she could use both hands for when Janus struggled to put on his clothes. She chose his favourite patterned yellow shirt and some of his comfiest dark pants, and he kept missing the right leg hole to step into.

Finally dressed, Janus was able to brush his teeth all by himself, once he clambered up on the counter and sat down, of course, and Mama left the bathroom to get her clothes, returning fully dressed in her plain gray shirt and pants to brush her teeth and get Janus down.

Mama had Janus wait while she made some snacks for them if they got hungry during their walk, so Janus spent the time watching a funny show about a blue dog. _What a silly show, dogs weren’t blue!_ He called encouragement when Mr. Josh on the screen asked, or pointed to the clues that were always behind Mr. Josh so he could find them too.

The show ended roughly around the time Mama finished making the snacks. She put them in Janus’ bag since he was big enough to carry some of the weight, and off they went. Mama locked the home door, twisting the knob like she always did to make sure it was really, _really_ locked, and took Janus’ offered hand before they began to head down their street.

Janus hadn’t been out that much, other than to go to preschool where he first met his bestest friend in the whole wide world. Mama said it was because their street wasn’t safe. Janus agreed, he heard all these loud noises when he was put down to bed a lot of the time. It was very rare for him to fall asleep without the loud noises going on outside his window. The noises didn’t really scare him, but if Mama was worried, then he would listen.

Mama held his hand tightly as they walked through the street. No one was really out, besides big kids in groups around the front of houses. Mama always said not to wave to strangers, even if they looked friendly or were a big kid on this street, so when one of the big kids noticed them and gave a lazy wave, Janus looked at the path at his feet.

They walked a long way, he realized when his stomach growled and his feet hurt. He dragged his feet and complained, wanting to sit down, or maybe even take a nap. Walking was so _tiring!_

“Hush, baby. Okay, we can take a little break, okay?” Mama pulled them over to a bench on the sidewalk and Janus scrambled up to sit all by himself, looking pleased when he turned to Mama.

She opened the bag and grabbed some celery sticks for them to munch on. She kept looking around, and when Janus did the same, he didn’t really know where they were. He saw a park nearby, with swings and a slide and a little digging plaything that made Janus feel like one of those cool construction workers with the giant scooping machine.

He pointed to the park excitedly. “Are we going there, Mama? Are we? Are we!” He asked as he finished his last celery stick.

Mama laughed in that weird, not-happy laugh, but she did look amused and nodded, “Yeah, baby. We’re going to the park for a bit. I haven’t taken you in a while, huh?”

“Thank you, Mama!” Janus bounced in place before he slipped down the bench and bounced on his feet, excited to play in the park and dig up treasure! Maybe, he had yet to ever find treasure with those digging playthings, but he was sure there had to be _something_ hidden for the smart kids to find if they looked hard enough.

Mama stood up, closed the bag, and slipped it back onto Janus’ back to carry again, before she took his hand and they made the rest of the way to the park, only letting his hand go when they were in the playing area.

Janus laughed excitedly, running to the digging plaything as quickly as he could without tripping. He was sure he could find the treasure this time! He dug through the sand in a half-doughnut, until he couldn’t dig anymore, and still found nothing. It was disappointing, but he thought maybe another smart kid must have found something before him, and it hadn’t been returned yet. _Or!_ Or maybe there had to be a requirement to get it! Maybe he was missing that requirement, and once he had it, he’d be able to find all the treasures!

He looked up to find Mama and get back to her to see if she wanted to help him swing, when he couldn’t find her. The park was pretty big, but he had been certain she had been nearby. She always was when they went to a park. She was always so worried something bad would happen to Janus and stayed within earshot, closer than eyeshot. But now, she wasn’t anywhere.

“Mama?” He yelled out, gripping the straps of the bag that held all the snacks she had made earlier, a sliver of fear cracking into his heart and voice. He looked around as he yelled a few more times, hoping she had just gotten out of view. Maybe she had gone to the potty? But she would _always_ take him with her when she needed to do that, so he wouldn’t get lost or scared if he needed her while she was away for a minute.

“Mama, where’d you go?” Janus yelled, cupping his hands over his mouth to make himself louder. A few other parents looked over at him, as did a couple other kids that were playing, but he still couldn’t see Mama. The sliver of fear grew, and he could feel his heart try to escape his chest. _“Mama!”_

Tears pricked his eyes, making it hard to see, and he was scared and lost and a bunch of other feelings until he couldn’t make words anymore.

Standing in the middle of a park, so far from home, Janus cried for his mother who would never return to him.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [ LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:  
> Feedback
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.
> 
> I feel the need to defend "Mama" here, because she did not want to do this. I'm unsure what caused her to have to abandon her own child, but she had no other option, or thought she had no other option. Likely it was an outside influence, a toxic friend, an abusive partner, maybe even a bad boss, I'm not sure entirely but it was not something she would have ever done if she had a fair choice.  
> As well, she left a letter in the bag for an adult to read, basically begging them to take her son somewhere safe and to let him know she will always love him and she hates herself for doing this. Janus won't know for a while that the letter is there until one of the parents comes to comfort him and sees it sticking out.


End file.
